It is amazing how quickly I am losing weight. I am now down to 209 pounds. Crazy to think that April 18th I weighed 262 pounds. I just wish I could enjoy the process a little bit more. I’ve had a few more complications since my last post. I’ve had some close friends and family ask recently if I regret anything with all the complications. And honesty I can say…… my only regret is not doing it sooner.
So the complication saga continues….. I don’t want to scare those who are pre-surgery. The complications I have had aren’t all that common. I’m just “lucky”. So I went back to the ER for vomiting and dehydration. They admitted me overnight as my potassium was slightly low and moved up my endoscopy procedure to that day. I am so thankful for that otherwise I would have had to wait until today to do that. I was trying to figure out how to keep working while vomiting and very low calorie count. During the endoscopy they stretched another stricture and found a small esophageal tear. That small tear was very uncomfortable for several days. They aren’t sure if the scope may have caused it or the vomiting. I am currently on a full liquid diet once again for another week. Then I can try and transition to pureed and soft foods.
It has been a frustrating journey the past few weeks. I should have just had my second endoscopy sooner, however I wanted to try different textures and different foods. I wasn’t convinced the stricture would return so quickly. Several ER trips and an overnight stay later, I am finally feeling a bit better. I’m a RN, so I can navigate the system well and yet I still was drip fed information, felt unsupported, and not listened to. So I kept pushing my care providers and calling. So I would encourage any patient that feels the same way to keep persevering. Don’t give up. After coming home from the hospital the next couple of days were tough with swallowing because of the tear in my esophagus. I called the clinic and was finally able to see a provider. It didn’t help that this was during the holiday weekend. She was amazing and really took the time to talk with me, listen, offer me Kleenex, and give me some hope. I was in a really dark place and having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. She was exactly what I needed. We came up with a plan and she followed through on calling me at home and checking in. I can’t say enough how big of a difference this made.
I was also told I need to slow down and let my body heal. I have always been fat and active, I have a hard time sitting on my butt. Especially during nice weather. So I did try and slow down, although I did a small hike on Saturday couldn’t just sit at home on such a beautiful day. Nature is a balm to my soul. Below is a picture from my hike at Parfrey’s Glen.
My plans going forward are much the same. Take some time to listen to my body. Take some time to rest when needed. Focus on my water intake and protein. Slowly advance my diet. My next non food reward is going to be skydiving!!! I am hoping to go once I am below 200 pounds. Most likely in September.
Keep working with the puppy on training. Especially potty training….. Just gotta keep swimming literally and figuratively. I know the difficulties will pass. I know that I will be able to enjoy my new physical form. Even if I lose some muscle mass now I can rebuild again. My identity is not just my strength.
It’s funny this surgery will change you in ways you never thought possible. But then again how can it not. I am rediscovering who I am. Yet I am still me. I still love my family and friends. I enjoy many of the same activities as before. (except they are easier to do now). But I am different. I need to redefine who I am. What makes me me?
At some point I will dive back into the dating scene. I’m nervous for that. I almost feel like well you wouldn’t date me when I was fat but now that I lost some weight you will….. I know that I don’t need to have a boyfriend to be complete, yet I am tired of being alone. I want someone to share my life with both the ups and the downs. We’ll see where the path leads. For now I am concentrating one foot in front of the other. Step by step.